Missy Jenkins | I Choose to Be Happy

September 14, 2009 | Comments Off

Interview with Missy Jenkins [15:19m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

From her website:

It was one of the darkest days in America’s history—December 1, 1997. Freshman Michael Carneal walked into the Heath High School lobby in West Paducah, Kentucky, and started shooting, killing three students and injuring five. One of those injured students was 15-year-old Missy Jenkins, who was left paralyzed from the chest down.

But Missy never saw her disability as an end. Just hours after the tragedy, she forgave Carneal and took back her life. In the next decade she would graduate from college, become a counselor for troubled youth, get married, have a baby, and confront Carneal face to face about his actions that tragic day.

She would earn countless local and national honors over the years, from “Kentuckian of the Year” to one of Ladies’ Home Journal’s “Most Fascinating Women.” This is a story of love, forgiveness, courage, and determination—one that will leave people of all ages inspired to make the most of each day and never take life for granted.

Posted by admin | Filed Under Health, Motivation, Inspiration, AUTHOR INTERVIEW, PODCAST

Shann VanderLeek | Wake Up Women

September 14, 2009 | Comments Off

Dr. Kent: Welcome back to Sound Authors. It’s been a great show today, and I’m speaking with three women that are all talking about different aspects of modern life for women. And this is a great book, the next one I’m going to be speaking to, the author of Wake Up Women – Be Happy, Healthy & Wealthy. And welcome to the show Shann. Hold on one moment, we’ve got some technical problems. And I’ll be speaking to Shann Vander Leek, here she is, welcome to the show, Shann.

Shann Vander Leek: Thanks, Dr. Kent. How are you doing this afternoon?

Dr. Kent: I’m doing great. Tell me a little about this book. You say it’s never too soon or too late to change your life.

Shann Vander Leek: You know, this is a great book. I came together with 50 other expert authors contributing to one bit, one book filled with great stories and golden nuggets of wisdom for women. And I’m happy to report that we’ve soared to the top of the Barnes & Noble bestseller list, topping the charts for Women, Women’s Career and Women’s Health.

Dr. Kent: And tell me about the stories that are inside here.

Shann Vander Leek: You know, all of the stories, like your listeners today, are about women balancing work, family activities, volunteering, and the book is divided into sections dealing with everything from our emotional well being to career, money and relationships.

Dr. Kent: And where did your interest, how did your interest lead you to putting this book together with all of these other authors?

Shann Vander Leek: You know, I had a story of a significant transition from corporate leader to entrepreneur and I wanted to write about that transition because I knew that that would be valuable for other women, and certainly more than just women. But for this particular project to share that story of transition, and in doing so met an amazing group of women who just blew my doors off. We all got together in San Diego last fall and put our hearts and souls and words together and came up with a really great book.

Dr. Kent: And you know, why is it important in this day and age for women to have a book like this that’s specifically for them, no men included?

Shann Vander Leek: Well, I think that the time for women is now. I think all too often as women we put everyone and everything else first. We’ll start a new business when the mortgage is paid off. Or we’ll take a yoga or art class once the kids finish school. Or we’ll take better care of our bodies or get fit when we have more time. So this book is put together to inspire as many women as possible to be willing to put themselves first. To take care of their bodies and nurture their dreams and make the best use of their talent. I think we forget that we can give the most when we’re living the life we love. And we can be the best mothers and wives and business owners and colleagues, etc. when we’re feeling nurtured, fulfilled and inspired.

Dr. Kent: And a coach does similar things, and of course this is a guidebook that people can use themselves, but I know that your career is in coaching. Tell us a little bit about what coaching entails.

Shann Vander Leek: Thank you. Um, yes, I’m a professional coach, and the founder of True Balance Life Coaching. And I coach women in transition to set big goals, achieve extraordinary results and create balance in their lives. And I do this through professional coaching, yoga and creative expression, and it’s just, it’s such a blast. And talk about a complete change form the corporate world I once knew.

Dr. Kent: And tell us about that, going form the corporate to becoming a coach for other women to sort of realize their potential.

Shann Vander Leek: You know, there’s just, there’s something that’s really heartfelt about it. It’s definitely my passion. It’s certainly the path that I’m supposed to be on. I enjoyed very much doing what I did before for a living. I led a great group of people, enjoyed the work, until I didn’t. So I began to reinvent myself, and part of that reinvention was earning my coaching certification and my yoga teacher training certification and combining those things together to help women to learn to value themselves more. To stop tolerating things that are dragging them down. To know that I can be in their corner and help them create momentum to get results easier and quicker. Sometimes just to help them be accountable, to set better goals and achieve them easier, things like that.

Dr. Kent: And you know, is it possible for people to, in these times my first guest of course was talking about losing your job and how she, when she lost her job, was excited about the opportunities. Most people don’t feel that way right off the bat. What do you do in a time that’s difficult like this, or even a time like divorce, or having your kids leave the house. I know my mom had some serious trouble when I left home, cause I was the last kid.

Shann Vander Leek: Yeah. Very good question. You know, the thing that I spend a lot of time with is teaching women about the stages of transition and what they can expect and how in the beginning you know something’s coming, or maybe like your first interview, they might be surprised that something’s happened, and it’s uncomfortable. And then during that discomfort you have to know that it’s the very best time to take better care of yourself and find some downtime and to really go internal for a while, or find a good friend or mentor or coach to talk about where things are at. And then from there you can start to move forward and understand that ok, now is the time to do some exploration, to do some research, to think about what I might be able to do next with my life. What is that list of things that we talk about that we’d like to do someday, or one day, or that inkling of an idea that has just been covered up for years. And from there, once you start to understand that you’re going to be ok, and you start to explore, you start to get excited, and you do the work, you earn the certifications, you take the classes, you remain curious, and before too long your in the final stage where you’re really enjoying the, all of it, the renaissance period, if you will. So transition is a part of life, and we all go through multiple different kinds of transitions and understanding what they entail just makes it a heck of a lot easier to navigate through for sure.

Dr. Kent: And the book is Wake Up Women – Be Happy, Healthy & Wealthy. And those are, of course, three very different things, but they could all be achieved by one person. Why don’t you go into what your take is on that title, Happy, Healthy & Wealthy.

Shann Vander Leek: Well, you know, it’s such a positive title. And to say “wake up” and to realize that there’s so much that we’re capable of doing. And to attract the kind of authors like Laura Langmeyer to come in and talk about how you can set up your life and follow your passion and earn a great deal of money, if that’s one of your goals. There’s no reason why we can’t move forward on the path of our dreams, take better care of our mind, body and spirit, and while doing so earn stacks of cash. I mean, why not?

Dr. Kent: And you talk about yoga in your things, how does yoga play into all that? Is that part of the health?

Shann Vander Leek: You know, it’s certainly part of the health. It’s mind, body, spirit for sure. A lot of the women that I connect with are really not living in their bodies, and they just, I don’t really know how to describe it, but bringing them back to their breath and bringing them back to some time to be still and breathe and move their body in a way that they haven’t done so before, or maybe they did years ago and forgot about it. Yoga is a wonderful way to rejuvenate. So you get so many benefits from yoga and I’ve put together what I call Luscious Living Playshops for women that include a wonderful, gentle yoga followed by a guided relaxing meditation, and then creative expression. And that’s where we get into group coaching and painting or drawing or dancing or talking about self-sabotage, whatever that third component, that creative component changes. So it’s just a wonderful way to address mind, body and soul.

Dr. Kent: And where you see, again, this is a book for women today. Where do you see women as being? There’s an incredible amount of excitement around Hilary Clinton last year, and excitement about Michelle Obama having so much, so many powerful things to say. There’s a lot of women in the workplace, but then there’s also sort of the Paris Hiltons of the world that sort of bring women’s intelligence down a notch in the public eye. But you know, what is the position of women today at home, in the world, in life, in this country?

Shann Vander Leek: Well you know, I think as women we’re naturally about community and about something greater than ourselves. But we’ve not always had the mechanisms to come together. And the business environments over the years have been based on old models of competition and old models of scarcity. And with Wake Up Women, and with the women that I’ve worked with putting this book together, it’s about a mechanism for bringing women together and creating visibility and excitement, and a business model based on abundance and community and you know, we came together to do this without being concerned about competition, but looking at it as a collaboration. Women are collaborators. And we believe that there are abundance of clients and customers and people that we can touch. And we know if we come together and work together and merge our individual audiences, we can reach that many more women. Thousands and thousands who may not have heard our stories or would know about our work had we not collaborated.

Dr. Kent: Well, it’s been an honor chatting with you. The book is called Wake Up Women – Be Happy, Healthy & Wealthy. And you can go to truebalancelifecoaching.com to find out more about Shann and all of the work that she does. It’s been a real pleasure talking with you

Shann Vander Leek: Thank you so much, Dr. Kent, have a great weekend.

Dr. Kent: You too. And again, the book is called Wake Up Women – Be Happy, Healthy & Wealthy, and the author is Shann Vander Leek. Go to truebalancelifecoaching.com for some more information.

Posted by admin | Filed Under Motivation, Health, TRANSCRIPTS, Inspiration, AUTHOR INTERVIEW, PODCAST

Elizabeth Fournier | All Men Are Cremated Equal

September 13, 2009 | Comments Off

Dr. Kent: Welcome back to Sound Authors. It’s a beautiful day out here in New York. The sun is shining finally, and summer appears to have almost arrived, and that’s a good thing, because in two days it really does arrive. Well, my next guest on the show, Elizabeth Fournier, she has a great book called All Men Are Cremated Equal: My 77 Blind Dates. It’s a crass title and it’ll be fun to chat with her about the book. Welcome to the show, Elizabeth Fournier.

Elizabeth Fournier: Hi there, Dr. Kent.

Dr. Kent: Tell me about this book. It’s pretty off the wall, your title.

Elizabeth Fournier: Yeah, it’s actually a real life story. And of course, how I got the title is I live it every day. I am a mortician, so I in fact know that all men are cremated equal. And of course, blind dates, well, you know. Ladies will probably concur, in general, if it doesn’t work out, we can cremate them equally, too.

Dr. Kent: And it’s such a clever title. So tell us about, how is it as a woman of the industry of the funerary industry, I guess you call it. How is it being a woman in that industry?

Elizabeth Fournier: You know, it’s kind of a mixed bag because women are the natural caregivers. We’re the first undertakers, so to speak, the first layers out of the dead. So it’s very natural for us to be kind and caring and compassionate. However, once it became formalized with education, men came in because only men could go to school and go on and get the licenses and what have you. So it’s kind of a male dominated industry. There’s definitely a lot more men in it than women, and when people come to my funeral home on a daily basis to see me, they always say, “Oh, you’re the funeral director?” Or, “Oh, I didn’t think you were what a mortician looked like.” So I get a lot of that surprise. People think I’m the secretary or the girl answering the door or what have you. So that’s just a natural thing. And being in the industry as a woman is fantastic. I get to actually be myself and be there for people and love them and care for them. It’s perfect.

Dr. Kent: So have you ever had someone try to pick you up at the funeral home?

Elizabeth Fournier: Oh, I would say not so much because it was the excitement of being at a funeral home, but I’ve definitely been at funerals, or I’ve been at the cemetery at a burial and somebody, not of course the person who lost their spouse or whoever, but somebody a little bit further removed there, a friend of the family or somebody will kind of come up and ask me some questions about what I’m doing and how I got to be there and where I live. You know, you can tell if it’s interest or if it’s interest. You know, there’s kind of different things. Yeah.

Dr. Kent: Right. Well, so ok, so the book is about a blind dating spree, 77 blind dates. Now this really happened?

Elizabeth Fournier: Oh, yeah. It was one tiresome year of my life.

Dr. Kent: 77. I mean, that’s unbelievable. There had to be one good guy in that group.

Elizabeth Fournier: Well, they all were great. They really were fine, quality people, they just weren’t for me. And it’s not that I’m necessarily horribly picky, they just, they just weren’t for me.

Dr. Kent: And so talk about the book. You’ve got this book, and what do people think when they pick it up? First of all, it’s great as a gag gift, All Men Are Cremated Equal. Any woman can give that to her husband. But the book, what’s it about? It’s about your life as, in this industry that’s not common for women to necessarily be in, and then you’ve got these 77 blind dates, which seems like a big number, although it probably isn’t if you’re really looking for somebody that you click with.

Elizabeth Fournier: Yeah, exactly. The book is about my struggle looking for Mr. Right. I was 36 years old, I just left a fiancé, and I wanted to get married. I didn’t want another date. But when I had left a fiancé all the friends jumped up and down for joy and said, “Oh that’s great, I’m glad you left him, we’ve got a better candidate for you.” So everybody just, as soon as I had mentioned that it was over, they were showing up with the new great person, emailing me pictures and calling me and wanting my phone number to pass on to people, and I said, “You know, I appreciate, it’s a wonderful attention, but here’s the delio: I don’t want to have yet another relationship. I really, really, really want to find one.” So I wrote a list of ten things very important to me, passed that around to every co-worker, relative, neighbor, friend, whoever wanted to set me up with that great guy, and I said go with this list, that’ll work great. So the book was written to inspire women. Write a list, know what you want, he’s out there, you just have to know what you’re looking for.

Dr. Kent: And what was on your list?

Elizabeth Fournier: Very non-superficial things there, Dr. Kent. They were just common things that we don’t always thin about that holds relationships together. Such as, somebody who likes to spend time with their family. Somebody who wants to get to know my family. Somebody who can make me laugh. How about this one, somebody who owns a set of tools. I mean, they’re just really some basic, common things we don’t always think about, but not everybody possesses these really simple items.

Dr. Kent: And tell us a little bit about how you came to write this book. It’s a fun story, and honestly, how did you come to this industry, and how did you come to the place of wanting the 77 blind dates? I’m curious, and I think every reader of course will be curious, and that’s why they’ll read the book.

Elizabeth Fournier: Oh sure. Well, I wanted to get married. So I thought I’ve got to go on dates to get married, that’s how you do it. And rather than go the traditional route, I figured set me up. So that worked great, that went along well. As I was going on these dates I would call my father who I’m very close to and say, “Ok, Dad, I got a live one, and we’re going to do this, and here’s the rundown sketch. This is his name, where he lives, you know, this is the book he’s reading, what have you.” And then about an hour or two after the date I’d come back to my computer and email kind of the happenings of what happened, the goofy things the guy said, the reason why it’s not going to work, why it’s just a kibosh on the idea of the second date, and this happened on and on and on. And my dad was taking notes on this, and he said this is really incredible. You know, you should really write a journal. This is some really good stuff. After a while he said, “Wow, I hope you’re writing this journal cause this is great, you should share this with your girlfriends, this is some great insight, this really could save them a lot of headache, and you could pass this on to your male friends. They could really take a look at it and see what issues and problems they’re having with their dating life.” And so, after I wrote all this, my father finally said, “You know what, you know ok, you found the guy, you have all these wonderful notes of these guys that you dated, you need to write a book because this is phenomenal stuff. You need to get this out here.” He said, “Look, I’m 70 years old, and I’m completely engrossed in this, enmeshed in it, it’s exciting for me, it’s fun. Just think about a woman who’s your age, how much enjoyment and entertainment and education she’ll be getting out of it.” So I thought hey, you know, the guy is always right. So he really is, so I went with it, and I’m really glad I did.

Dr. Kent: Well, and you’ve got what, 17 five-star ratings on Amazon, so I think people enjoy the book. What kind of things can we expect inside this book? Are there crazy stories and funny events? What’s in there? I mean, just the situation itself lends itself to a blockbuster movie, you know, 77 dates and a woman who’s a mortician. It’s just something we don’t think about very often. But what’s in the book?

Elizabeth Fournier: Yeah, there’s definitely a lot of chatting about my job, what I do. There’s times in between the dates where I’m actually hanging out with my girlfriends, hanging out alone, I’m at work, whatever, and I also write about that, too, in first person, and talk about my experiences in the funeral industry. And I give a lot of insight and education as far as what that goes. What’s it like working in a funeral home and working in a cemetery on a daily basis. So a lot of that information is there, and what do funeral directors do for fun, and I talk about my own friends and what have you. But there’s a lot of funny experiences with the guys. A lot of just bad behavior on the part of men. And it’s just ironic bad behavior, men who feel the need to continually pick up a cell phone or text people constantly. That goes on quite a bit. A lot of stories of men who just were extreme characters, and did just wacky stuff. Some who were, you know, in costume or some who just kept rambling and repeating things. Some who…

Dr. Kent: In costume?

Elizabeth Fournier: Yeah, I had one guy who was a huge fan of Harry Potter. Harry, that’s all we heard about, that’s all we talked about. I appreciated his passion for it, but he did kind of have the maturity of a 12 year old, so I was going to have to pass on that one, but nonetheless, nice man, very entertaining, I absolutely enjoyed the two-hour date. And you know what…

Dr. Kent: Were they all sorts of fellows, from old to young?

Elizabeth Fournier: Um, no, they pretty much were in the age range of…

Dr. Kent: The 30’s?

Elizabeth Fournier: …mine. Yeah. I would say probably 30’s, 40’s, because I was looking for somebody who wanted to get married and wanted to have a child, pretty much in the very near future. So these were all candidates, so to speak, who were in that age range. All my friends went and scanned people and said, “Ok, I’ve got this great friend of mine, and she’s a mortician, and you know, she’s blonde,” whatever they wanted to say to run down my list of attributes, and then they would say, “Well, here’s the deal, this is what she wants.” And I think a lot of them, rather than holding the list up and saying, “Ok, can you answer yes or no to these questions?” they would just take a look at some co-worker, or somebody that they were thinking, “Hmm, I wonder if Elizabeth would like him?” and they mentally would go through the list and go, “Yeah, well, I guess he does do a lot of jobs and you know, I guess yeah, he does talk a lot about how much he can’t stand his family, and ok, forget that.” So I think that’s kind of how that worked out. I don’t think there was ever the clipboard in hand and the checklist.

Dr. Kent: Did you ever get back at your friend who set you up with the Harry Potter fellow?

Elizabeth Fournier: Well, you know, this is something that I think a lot of people who have been out blind dating have noticed. I think sometimes we think, “What were my friends thinking? Do my friends really know me?” I mean, obviously it’s somebody who knows both parties, and a lot of people think, “Oh yeah, you know, you’re both single, you’re both the same age, oh yeah, of course, of course she’ll get along.” So I was thankful to have the pre-screening because I think the setups would have been a heck of a lot worse. If I was just open to anybody, I definitely would have not met my goal. I would have probably got just any random guy who came along who my friends thought were cute, and that just wouldn’t have done it. I wanted all the pre-screening done ahead of time cause I didn’t want to get in a relationship with somebody who I thought was great and find out five months down the road, you know, they don’t believe in God, or find out that yeah, well they do have this habit that they do on a daily basis that I wasn’t aware of, that they concealed from me. I really just wanted all the meat and potatoes of the situation to be unveiled up front before I even met them, and then if he didn’t have any of these hang-ups then we could actually see, do we have chemistry? Do we actually have the same humor? Do we enjoy each other? And really, just in case, do we want to hang out?

Dr. Kent: And were there some close calls in those 77 dates?

Elizabeth Fournier: Yes, there were some close calls. There were some guys that I thought you know, yeah. I was matching up my first name with his last name, and I started, and I was texting the friend, and I was thinking this is great. But there was always some humdinger. There was always something that he did or said, and sometimes it can be as little as the wonderful political candidate who was just gorgeous, and he smelled good, and was charming, and we were at this wonderful event. And I saw my whole life unveil with him. But at the very end of our date he just made a comment that he hasn’t been in a relationship for years, and he doesn’t see himself getting married for years because he wants to go through the whole political foray, and I just had to think to myself, you know, that just wouldn’t work for me. That just wouldn’t work. So I had to say goodbye, and I’m just so thankful I did.

Dr. Kent: Yep, yep. Well, it’s been an honor chatting with you about this book. One thing I’ll say in closing here, I like that you’ve kind of confronted both things that I find most awkward in the world, and I think most people would. Blind dates are really awkward, and so are funerals.

Elizabeth Fournier: (laughter) Yeah, that’s a great, yeah, that’s a great way to tie that all together. You bet, and I try to, everybody I got to know I try to you know, break the stereotype and let them know hey, I’m a nice, fun, kind person, but just doing a job out there. It doesn’t have to be so scary, it can actually be tangible. And blind dating, you bet. What an arduous bag of tricks. And I’ll tell you what, I don’t recommend it for everybody.

Dr. Kent: Well, it’s been an honor chatting with Elizabeth Fournier, her book is called All Men Are Cremated Equal: My 77 Blind Dates, and it’s available on amazon.com and Barnes and Noble, and a bunch of other places it looks like.

Elizabeth Fournier: Thank you so much, Dr. Kent.

Dr. Kent: Yep, and my next guest on the show is another author, and she has written a book called Wake Up Women – Be Happy, Healthy & Wealthy. And I’ll talk to Shann Vander Leek in just a minute. Come on back for that.

Posted by admin | Filed Under Motivation, Health, Dating, TRANSCRIPTS, Entertainment, AUTHOR INTERVIEW, Inspiration, PODCAST

Lilou Mace | I Lost My Job and I Liked It

September 12, 2009 | Comments Off

Dr. Kent: Welcome to Sound Authors. I’m Dr. Kent, and it’s a beautiful Friday here in New York. And it’s my honor to have four guests on the show today. Three are authors, and one is a musician. At the end of the show we’re going to talk to Wes Charlton. He’s a well-known folk singer and has a great sound. Then I’ve got three authors on the show. Life coach Shann Vander Leek. She’s got a book called Wake Up Women - Be Happy, Healthy &Wealthy. And before that I’ve got Elizabeth Fournier, the author of All Men Are Cremated Equal: My 77 Blind Dates. And it’s my honor here at the beginning of the show to have author Lilou Mace on, and she’s got a book called I Lost My Job and I Liked It. Welcome to the show, Lilou.

Lilou Mace: Thank you.

Dr. Kent: Now am I saying your name correctly?

Lilou Mace: Yes, it’s Lilou, Lilou Mace.

Dr. Kent: So you actually are French.

Lilou Mace: Yes, originally, yeah.

Dr. Kent: Very nice. Well, tell me about this book. I Lost My Job and I Liked It.

Lilou Mace: Yeah, well, that’s the story of, I got this job from the U.S., I lived for 8 years in the U.S. and then got a job in London as Internet Marketing Director. And I worked for the company for about 7 months and then lost my job in February. And I decide to record, well I thought that this is not a coincidence, you know. First of all, if this was happening, maybe that was the time to finally live my dream. So I saw it as an opportunity, and then I decided to apply all the principles on the Law of Attraction, and all those wonderful universal laws that I heard about, and I said this is the time right now to apply it and make my dream job happen and actually empower millions of people, which is something I’ve always wanted. And so, I really walked the talk and recorded this journey, and it took me 30 days to discover my dream job, find it, and now I feel totally blessed by the fact that I have lost my job.

Dr. Kent: And you’ve done a number of things. Talk about that for a minute, including some really popular YouTube videos, and you ended up meeting Oprah Winfrey. Tell us about those adventures.

Lilou Mace: Yeah, yeah. Well, I’ve done quite a lot of personal development seminars and things like that. And with some friends, we got together and thought how wonderful it would be to create a structure that would help people to really apply that for 100 days at a time. So we created something that is out there right now called the 100-Day Reality Challenge where for 100 days people apply the Law of Attraction, set some goals, and for you to declare on video on YouTube what you want your next 100 days to look like, what you want to attract in your life, and then you share with other people viewing those videos your successes and challenges. So I started doing those videos back in 2005 and I was very playful with them, and now I have about 550 videos, and two million views on YouTube, I mean it’s just been this amazing adventure where each season, each 100-day I see some crazy things that are out there that I have no idea how I’m going to attract. And one of them, I moved to Chicago back in 2006 and I declared I want to meet Oprah Winfrey, and I was having dinner with this new guy (inaudible), and I shared with him that I would love to meet Oprah. And he said, “Well, it’s funny because we’re right around the Harpo Studios,” so we go in for a carpool, I get my picture taken, and then that same night I declare on video, “I’m going to meet her before the end of the year.” And that was in November. And the next thing you know it’s two days later, this Brian ended up bumping into Oprah herself in the elevator of the Ritz Carlton, and he didn’t know what to tell her, but just, “Ah, I just met this Lilou, her dream would be to meet you.” And there we go. Oprah offered two tickets to be in the Oprah show the next day, which she usually doesn’t do. And it was just a phenomenal adventure, meeting this world leader that is totally, has always inspired me to meet her in person. And the show was on Dream Jobs. And that’s when I realized I want to do what she’s doing. So two days after meeting her I started my own (inaudible) store in Chicago called Live a (inaudible) Life. And (inaudible) meaning other offers and starring offers. And so before you know, this video is actually, probably has had a hundred thousand views, and I’ve run quite a lot of them. You see the before and the after, which is quite phenomenal. You see me declare, I have no idea but somehow it’s going to happen, and then boom, you have the manifestation. So when I lost my job I really thought this is the opportunity to empower quite a lot of people facing those challenges right now. And it is a tough time where you’re scared to, how am I going to pay the bills? How am I going to, you know. Dream job? What are you talking about? I just need to find a job to pay my rent, you know. And this is the fear, and all with the media and such injecting in us. But there is such a different path for us to choose, and I think this is the best time ever for us to go for our dream job and to realize our own potential. Because we have huge potential that we’re not even tapping into yet, I think.

Dr. Kent: Right, and it is a very negative time in the media and for a lot of people because they’re sort of taking stock of their debts, and it’s a time of a lot of fear. So tell me about what’s inside this book. What can we expect from this journey that you’ve taken, and how did you put it into the book?

Lilou Mace: Yeah, well what you can expect is really a frantic journey of someone that is going through this, and I share my fears. But at the same time I also share the different tools that I’ve been using for a while now that helped me to clarify what I really wanted to do, that helped me to shift my moods, and including creating vision boards, and visualization, and all kinds of things that really help you to get out of that negative mojo that is going on. And it is inspiring. You start reading the book, and you’re just taken by the whole story. It’s just very, very, it feels like a one on one connection here, and it’s just wonderful then to be holding the final manifestation ultimately of the journey. And so it’s form the feedback that I had so far since I got it out is that people are finding themselves and just are called in action. It does the mirror effect, you know, it’s a stream of consciousness diary. So it’s all the thoughts that you recognize yourself with those fears and those passions and some things that you would like to do, and then consequences. You need action and you attracting your dream job. And I have some already wonderful stories that are out there and it’s absolutely a blessing to receive the feedback every day, all the positive feedback.

Dr. Kent: Well, and where can folks find the book itself?

Lilou Mace: The book is on amazon.com. I also have a website I dedicated to the book called ilostmyjob-book.com. And then there’s quite a lot of videos also about the book. There’s also, on YouTube there’s a free visualization to attract your dream job. It’s a, I think 6 minute visualization where I guide you to start visualizing right now what your dream job is going to be. And then what you do is that you start anchoring that feeling inside of you right now and you start having new ideas on how you can go about it in those recap moments. You know, where you finally have this brilliant idea. You won’t be able to attract that idea if you’re coming from a face of fear and negativity. You have to really take control of that, and you are powerful. You’re a powerful co-creator. I always call people co-creators because we’re always co-creating. And I hope you’re going to tap into your power now. This is the moment.

Dr. Kent: So let’s say someone loses their job. What’s the first step that people take?

Lilou Mace: Well the first step I think is to really deal with what’s happening, and we have all have different reactions. For me it was a liberating moment. Anything is possible now. But that’s the kind of attitude I have. But some people, it’s about releasing that anger and dealing with it. I recommend journaling, getting out, taking some time for yourself, and really start re-connecting with what is important. I didn’t go personally to start talking to some friends because I didn’t want to go in the pity party and the victim mode, cause that was too easy. I’m a person that believes that we’re a hundred responsible in our life. And that’s one of the founding principles that you’ll discover in the book. You know, it’s really, this happens, I believe ultimately that we created because we’ve dreamt something bigger. When I got fired, that season 11 I had determined at the beginning of the 100 days that I wanted to choose the season. And by choosing I mean full of passion and purpose. So the next thing I know I got fired, and yes, that was a shock. I had everything from U.S. But what I know is that that wasn’t a coincidence and this, what was happening was the biggest blessing. So I dealt with it, you know, and that’s what I explain in the book, and you’ll see how I dealt with it and maybe get some new ideas. But it’s been an exciting adventure, and if you allow it, just really be with that, and it is, it can be the best thing ever.

Dr. Kent: And that is something that’s very interesting, you know, how do you take something that’s negative and turn it into something positive. I’ve heard that in times of economic downturn like this people actually spend a lot more time with their families, and they spend a lot more time, so people aren’t actually all that much worse off when they lose their jobs.

Lilou Mace: Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You reconnect, I think those times right now, in this economy and this hard time is really, we have to tap into something else inside of us. This is the time where we’re going to access our biggest potential and start helping each other start connecting in different ways. This is the time to go back to being human again. You know, and to discover what we’re really good at. Because I believe that until you really do something that you’re 100% passionate about, then somebody else is going to be better than you and you’re going to work at a different realm, and it’s going to be competition. But when you choose something that you love, let me tell you, there’s nothing that stops you, and it’s absolutely brilliant. And then you bring everybody with you along the way. So it’s connecting you to everyone, and to your heart, and it’s just really, really beautiful. And it’s worth looking at or at least trying on. And yes, people are connecting it, and you start attracting your team players, you know, the real people that really want genuinely to help you and you help them. It’s just like win, win, win. Not just two ways, it’s three ways, it’s just absolutely beautiful.

Dr. Kent: And talk about the concept of attraction. I know a little bit about that. When did you stumble across that, and what does it mean to you?

Lilou Mace: Well, the Law Of Attraction, I think the first book I read about it was Thinking (inaudible) from (inaudible) hill, an also Excuse Me, Your Life’s Waiting. And I remember sitting in my bathroom listening to that tape, cause I just, I hated my room, because at the time I was like, something better is out there and I can’t see it. And so I was looking for some new solutions and just tried it out. You know, I heard that you can attract the parking spot that you need, the money, so I’m like ok, I’ll try it. And then the print came out. And that’s such a great movie, I think to watch, or a book, to kind of get a sense of what the Law of Attraction can do. But the Law of Attraction is really like when you, what you focus on expands. So your thoughts are actually vibrations and if you put out there, if you can already be with what you want to attract, then you just attract that new type of people, you attract the resources that you need, and sometimes you make money as (inaudible), but really there’s so much more than that. Money comes when you, just money comes. And the Law of Attraction is always at work, no matter what. Like the Law of Gravity. And it’s a matter of focusing on what you want and visualizing, and the next thing you know you just follow the next inspired action, and it just unfolds, one step at a time, and then the whole staircase. The thing that’s (inaudible) that says that you don’t have to have it all figured out. You know, one thing leads to another and then to another and then to another. Just remain with that positive, strong mindset and do whatever it takes to keep on feeling good and focusing on what you really want and then the elements are going to come to you. So you’re already being that person, that if you want to be successful then you’re coming from that, you’re already visualizing your success and therefore you’re attracting the people that are going to help you along the way. Like right now I’m writing the second book on what it takes to actually become a bestseller. So it’s the whole Law of Attraction to actually become a bestseller. And just today I received an email and somebody wanting me to come connect with Ron Howard, and then next thing you know is that I need him and now he’s teaching me some principles and helping me to just roll in and out of 5,000 books. It’s just this unbelievable synchronicity that is beautiful and absolutely magnificent when it happens. And then gratitude just flows from there and even more then comes.

Dr. Kent: Well, it’s been an honor chatting with Lilou Mace, she’s well known on the internet, and by her first name Lilou. And you can check out her website ilostmyjob-book.com, and there’s some great links to all of her sites and videos. And the book of course is called I Lost My Job and I Liked It: 30-Day Law of Attraction Diary of a Dream Job Seeker. Thank you so much.

Lilou Mace: And you also have, by the way, the song.

Dr. Kent: And the song. Tell me about that.

Lilou Mace: Yeah, there’s a song because originally I was, I kept on having that song, “I lost my job and I liked it,” like the song from Katy Perry, I Kissed a Girl and I Liked It. So I kept on having that song and it would shift my mood and at the end I thought well, this is the title of the book, of course it is. And I changed all the lyrics, I took some singing lessons, I cannot sing, I don’t care. I just recorded it and posted that on YouTube, so if you want to have a good laugh, just type in I Lost My Job and I Liked It, or I Lost My Job song and then you’ll probably bump into it.

Dr. Kent: Wonderful. I’ll definitely check it out. Thank you so much for talking to us today about your book.

Lilou Mace: Thank you for having me.

Dr. Kent: And we’ve been talking to Lilou Mace, and my next guest on the show is another author, Elizabeth Fournier. She’s the author of All Men Are Cremated Equal: My 77 Blind Dates. Come on back for that, that’ll be in one minute.

Posted by admin | Filed Under Motivation, Health, TRANSCRIPTS, Inspiration, AUTHOR INTERVIEW, Business, PODCAST

Sarah Allen Benton | Understanding the High Functioning Alcoholic

September 8, 2009 | Comments Off

Dr. Kent: Welcome back to Sound Authors. Well, on the show today we were just talking with the author of a great novel about what if a therapist could go to the White House before the former President finished taking office, and now we’re continuing with another therapist, a counselor, a licensed mental health counselor Sarah Allen Benton, and she has written a book called Understanding the High Functioning Alcoholic: Professional Views and Personal Insights as a recovering alcoholic herself, and as one who works with many alcoholics, this will be a great conversation. Welcome to the show, Sarah Allen Benton.

Sarah Allen Benton: Thank you for inviting me.

Dr. Kent: Well tell me about this book.

Sarah Allen Benton: Well, it’s a pretty comprehensive book in that there’s research, I’ve done interviews with sober, high functioning alcoholics and addiction experts, and there’s also my own general writing, starting from the age of 14 when I first started drinking, and some reflective pieces at the end of each chapter. So it really kind of shows from a clinical perspective and then from a first person personal perspective as well.

Dr. Kent: Well, and alcoholism is still, it’s been around since alcohol has been around, of course, but it’s still such a taboo topic in so many ways. You know, you go to parties and there’s always alcohol. You know, people go to church and there’s alcohol, it’s everywhere.

Sarah Allen Benton: Yeah, and that’s part of why I wrote this book is that it is part of our culture. Drinking is part of it, so when a person either has to get sober or is an alcoholic, they oftentimes because of the stigma don’t want to either admit it, or they don’t feel comfortable reaching out for help. And that’s, you know, helping, hoping to change the face of the alcoholic. I think for so long the stereotype has sort of been that homeless person on the street, but you know, but even my book cover is a young woman with a professional suit on, and kind of changing the face of what it means to be alcoholic, that it’s not so much about the outside things, but really what happens to you when you drink alcohol.

Dr. Kent: Well, and as a person who went to a prestigious small college as I did, there was a ton of alcohol on campus, and people getting drunk all the time, and I know it hasn’t changed much, and it’s a complicated thing for the administrations of those colleges, because it’s such a, I don’t want to say problem, but it’s such an occurrence all over. And all of these brilliant young minds then go out into the world, and they’re successful people but they’re also alcoholics.

Sarah Allen Benton: Well, you know, and I do address that, I do a chapter on college in particular. But what happens is for an individual to start drinking before the age of 15, they have about a 40% greater chance of developing alcohol problems. So what we’re seeing in college is there are people that are drinking heavily, but about 72% will phase out of that type of drinking. So it’s just a phase and they move on and sort of normalize their drinking. But there’s 22% who don’t, either they didn’t drink, or they developed alcohol related problems. And you know, as we move into young adulthood, which I personally noted, when I was drinking I started to stand out. When your college drinking ways don’t die, it really can start to affect you in many ways. But again, being part of our society and part of the business world, you know, people are moving on from college and continuing that type of heavy drinking, and it can eventually develop into a problem or already be a problem before the person even realizes it.

Dr. Kent: Well and it’s, so tell me about, you talk about “high functioning alcoholic.” What does that mean?

Sarah Allen Benton: Well, a high functioning alcoholic is an alcoholic, so it’s not a different type of alcoholism. But what it is is a person who is able to maintain their outside life so they’re able to show up for school, for work, and they’re either providing for their family, or they’re really able to keep that…I’m sorry…(cough)

Dr. Kent: No trouble. The coughs are going around a little bit.

Sarah Allen Benton: I’m sorry. They keep their outside life apart. (cough) So sorry. They’re able to keep their outside life looking good, but on the inside they’re still struggling with alcoholism. So it’s not that they’re losing their job and they’re losing their housing, which is what many people expect for alcoholics. And so because they’re able to maintain that outside façade, it really increases their denial as well as the denial of all those people around them.

Dr. Kent: And you talk about denial, that’s a big part of alcoholism, right?

Sarah Allen Benton: Exactly. And it’s even greater for people who are able to function, because you know, it’s harder to have denial when you’re losing your job and you’re losing your house and losing your family. But…

Dr. Kent: And that’s kind of a stigma, right? It’s, “Oh, I’m not an alcoholic because I’m holding down my job, I’m, you know, everything’s going fine.”

Sarah Allen Benton: Exactly, and that feeds into that denial of, “Well, I don’t have a problem because I’m (inaudible) academically. You know, I personally, I graduated with honors, I went on to have a successful career. But that didn’t change the fact that I was still drinking alcoholically when I drank. And that’s the thing that people don’t understand. You know, you don’t have to be a daily drinker to be alcoholic, you don’t have to drink in the morning. There are always myths out there, and really what it is is when you know, a person takes a drink who is alcoholic, it sets off a craving for them to drink more, and they have trouble controlling their intake and may end up having blackouts or passing out. They’re obsessing about alcohol, even if they’re not drinking. So say, they’re drinking on the weekends, binge drinking, but they’re thinking about it all weekend long, and they’re fixated on when they’re going to drink, who they’re going to drink with. And they’re compromising their values and morals when they’re drinking and behaving in ways that are not like them. And they’re continuing this pattern even when they’re trying to control it. You know, I spent about four years trying to cut back on my drinking, and I just couldn’t get under control.

Dr. Kent: So you, it’s a very insightful book, and even what you’re talking about now can be obviously a very important step for many people, among many different sort of patterns for healing. What do you recommend, you know, how does someone figure out if they’re an alcoholic, how do they know if it’s a problem, and how do they get help?

Sarah Allen Benton: Well there, you know, again I sort of listed off some of the characteristics of people who are having an alcohol problem, but there are so many other warning signs. And I, actually on my website I have online some links to online screening tools that may be helpful for individuals to sort of figure out what, where their drinking falls on the continuum of drinking problems. And if they determine, you know, I always recommend, try cutting back. You know, try controlling your drinking and see if you’re able to. Because that’s a huge sign if you have, if you’re alcoholic or not. And if you do determine that you are in that, or you know, you have a problem and want to reach out for help, there are programs that are throughout this country that are free, there’s Alcoholics Anonymous, Smart Recovery, and Women for Sobriety. Even going to your doctor, going to a therapist, just starting somewhere, taking action, telling a friend, telling somebody that you think you need to get help. And holding yourself accountable in effect.

Dr. Kent: Well, and so from that step your book is talking about this high functioning alcoholic, and I find it fascinating because it’s not often that people will talk about alcoholics as those people that you meet at work that are just like everybody else, outwardly.

Sarah Allen Benton: I know, and that’s the piece that I thought you know, there are a ton of books out there that are on the subject, but so often they’re just the tragic stories of people who have lost everything, very dramatic, and that’s you know, the movies that are made, that’s (inaudible), but the high functioning alcoholic is an interesting topic because it’s not as obvious. It’s a more subtle situation, and it’s one in which we see everywhere. In fact, at least 20% of alcoholics are high functioning, and a lot of them are not getting help because they’re functioning. So they’re kind of sliding through the cracks in terms of even people you know. It’s harder to confront someone when they’re showing up for work every day, and they’re doing well in school, and they’re in medical school. You know, I have stories of sober high functioning alcoholics who are reflecting back on making it all the way through medical school drinking daily, one of them I talked about. And so it really does, kind of baffles people that they’re able to function yet be alcoholic, and it’s not a topic we talk about more, and that’s definitely why I wrote this book, because I felt that it was a real gap in the literature out there. And for people who are high functioning when they go to get help they feel, kind of like they stand out, like their story isn’t dramatic enough, but that doesn’t mean that they don’t, that they’re not alcoholics.

Dr. Kent: And now, in this book you revealed a whole lot of your own personal story, and that takes a lot of courage as an author, but it’s also a great experience in a lot of ways. What was it like bringing yourself into this book?

Sarah Allen Benton: Well, it was really a gift. You know, I’ve been writing since I was a young girl. I started probably around 10 or 11 journaling. And I looked back upon my writing and I realized that I have been writing about drinking since I started drinking at the age of 14. So I decided to include these journal entries with some reflective pieces on those journal entries to sort of tell the reader what was really going on for me in that experience. And again, writing for me has always been very healing. I think it was, it was a risk to put it out there and to share this part of myself publicly. I am, you know, I am a therapist, but I felt that it’s one thing to speak clinically about something and another to show the reader through my own experiences that I understand and that I get it, and hopefully people out there who read it will connect with my story as well, and possible reach out for help. It was, you know, there were some scary moments, but I do feel that in the end I’m willing to put myself out there if it’s going to help other people.

Dr. Kent: Well, it’s been a real honor chatting with you. I’ve been speaking to Sarah Allen Benton, the book is called Understanding the High Functioning Alcoholic: Professional Views and Personal Insights, and one website is highfunctioningalcoholic.com. Can you give us some more information?

Sarah Allen Benton: Sure, yeah the book, there is a lot of information on the website, and the book is available through Greenwood.com, BarnesandNoble.com, and Amazon.com, as well as on that website. But there are also resources for people who want to get help that are on my website, as well as those who have loved ones, you know, there’s a program called Al Anon that’s helpful for (inaudible) friends or family members that are concerned about, and that are impacting their life negatively. So it’s just important for everyone to kind of get this topic out there and out in the open, and to do something about it and not be ashamed to reach out.

Dr. Kent: Well, it’s been such an honor chatting with you, and I wish you all the best of success with the book, and people can go to highfunctioningalcoholic.com to find out more.

Sarah Allen Benton: Thank you so much for having me, it’s been a pleasure, and thank you for addressing this topic.

Posted by admin | Filed Under Science, Health, Motivation, TRANSCRIPTS, AUTHOR INTERVIEW, Inspiration, PODCAST

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